Despite differences, daughter admires Mom's get-up-and-go

My mother and I aren’t particularly close, and we have different perspectives on just about everything: politics, religion, music. Sometimes we see eye to eye in literature and movies, but for the most part, we couldn’t be more different. One thing I do admire in my mother, though, is the way she has carried on and remained engaged in life after the death of my father 16 years ago.

She was just 61 when she was widowed, and though that first year was extremely tough on her, she continued (and maybe even ramped up) her volunteerism at church and in the community. She also traveled. Not every widow is fortunate enough to be left with the resources to visit other states and countries, but even into her seventies, that woman has trotted the globe, from New Orleans to the Old Country. She’s been to Peru, Turkey, and the British Isles, to name a few countries--all without a travel companion. She invariably befriends people on these trips to dine with and share conversation. And her purpose is to learn new things about architecture, history, artists and art.

It took her a lifetime to develop her independent habits, but I know for a fact that she didn’t feel like striking out on her own after my dad died. I’m fairly certain she had to make herself go, especially in the early years after becoming a widow. And it didn’t feel good to be surrounded by couples, but she kept leaving her house, kept going, trying to make the best of things.

Two years after Dad died, she went with a group from my alma mater, Denver Seminary, on an “In the Footsteps of Paul” tour guided by New Testament professors. She went to Kenya with her church to visit an orphanage. And she has visited Elder Hostels all over the country and across the ocean through Elderhostel, Inc., a nonprofit organization that offers learning-based travel.

When she's not traveling (usually 1-2 trips each year), she commits to volunteering in town—at Shepherd Community Center, working with the daycare at Wheeler Mission, and teaching English to Middle Eastern immigrant women through her church. She religiously goes to Jazzercise, nearly every day (but no, does not wear the Olivia Newton John getup); is an avid reader and belongs to a book club; sings in the choir; volunteers in the nursery at church; and supports the local symphony.

Is my mother lonely? Does she ever feel depressed? I think so, but she hasn’t disengaged from the land of the living. And that’s something to emulate.


Beth Bates
CAC Project Assistant

World Traveler photo credit