Going Gray at 28

My great-grandmother had long, bright white hair that she would keep in a hair net. I loved when she would let her hair down to brush it with a natural bristle brush. Once brushed, she would pile it back into the net. I remember thinking how beautiful her hair was and how I wished she wouldn’t keep it hidden they way she did. My grandmother has the same hair now. Bright white and beautiful. The only difference is my grandmother prefers to keep her hair short  and net-free.

As a child of the 90s, I’m not a stranger to dyed hair. I dyed my hair permanently black the summer between my 6th and 7th grade year (much to my parents’ dismay). From there, I tried various colors --orange, green, blue, red, pink all mixed in with my out-of-a-box black hair. I’m not sure why I stopped dying my hair. Perhaps it was laziness or the fact that my poor dye jobs were not appropriate for my professional life. Plus my bathroom was speckled with stains from my sloppy attempts.

I noticed my first grays when I was 23. I knew my family grayed early so I wasn’t surprised to see the new additions. I visited a hair salon a few times in an attempt to cover them up but soon realized the outrageous cost of a professional dye job. Spending that kind of money was a luxury I didn’t have, so when I was 25 I decided to stop dying my hair and allow nature to take its course.

Working at the Center for Aging & Community and taking Gerontology courses further shaped my beliefs about deciding to go gray young. In our GERO 301 Interdisciplinary Perspectives in Aging course, the instructor discussed the double standard of aging as a form of ageism. Society is more likely to evaluate women based on their physical appearance. A man with wrinkles and gray hair is considered to be mature and distinguished (hello, George Clooney), yet a woman with those same characteristics is just thought of as old (Barrett, 2005). While I understand gray hairs is a sign  the body is aging, I don’t view it negatively. It is natural and it is beautiful. Have you looked at Dame Helen Mirren lately?

When I accepted the graying of my hair in my 20s, I was surprised by the reaction it brought from other women, even those in my family.  At first it came as a light joke “Oh, I see some grays there. You are starting to get old” and they would laugh me off when I informed them I was just going to let it go. It was almost as if they didn’t believe me. Now I am 3 years in. My head is far from completely gray. If you looked at me from a distance you would not be able to see anything other than my dark brown hair; however, up close you can see quite a few grays peeking through. My mother asked me at Christmas “You are really just going to go gray aren’t you?”

What is most surprising in the reactions from other women who are usually defensive of why they dye or why they will dye. I am not judging them. Everyone has their own standards of beauty and we should all feel beautiful. If that means dying your hair, then you should do it.

Honestly, I love my gray hair. It is white and silver and stands out starkly against my dark brown hair. When I see my grays I think of my grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope in the future I will be lucky enough to have the beautiful hair they have, and maybe someday a granddaughter or great-granddaughter who will find my grays beautiful too. 



Stephanie Fritz 
Project Assistant

Reference: Barrett, Anne. 2005. Gendered experiences in midlife: Implications for age identity. Journal of Aging Studies, 19, 163-83.